Balanced Love

Love is a difficult concept and one that seems to trip up many people.

There are several types of love. For example, love for a friend, love for relatives, love of a parent for a child and the love of one person to another in a relationship.

All types of love come with their own complications.

I hear people speak of things like unconditional love and I believe that the key to any healthy relationship is balanced love.

I’ve always felt that when my ex-wife and I had children, regardless of how we raised them, they owed us nothing. We made the choice to bring them into the world and it was our responsibility to take care of them and raise them with love and understanding.

I know that I have been fortunate. I was gifted with wanting to be a good parent and my kids and I have always had a wonderful, trusting and deep relationship. I have always been there for them and they have never done anything that would make me question our relationship.

Having said that, they have always known that I don’t believe in unconditional love.  I believe that is a huge part of the reason that we all have such an amazing, deep relationship.

They knew that I was going to be patient and liberal, on the small indiscretions, but if there were any prolonged misbehavior or major indiscretions, I didn’t and don’t feel any need to still be there for them.

I know this sounds harsh and that people will think, “Well you haven’t experienced this, that or some other thing.” This is true. I haven’t experienced “this, that or some other thing” and I know that I have been blessed and lucky. I am thankful for that everyday.

In defining that “luck” my luck started with knowing that I wanted to be a parent.

From that point it was my responsibility to make sure that I was present and in the moment with my kids as often as I could be. I was.

Because I was I was able to develop a deep, trusting and conditional relationship with my kids we were able to handle a divorce and several huge transitions while deepening our relationship.

My hope is that they will enter loving relationships with a sense of “balance”.

Give enough, receive enough but don’t give or receive too much.