Back in the spring of 1999 I moved into a new house in an upscale neighborhood. The house had been built in 1997 and everything had been repainted right before we moved in. It was pristine and perfect on the inside and the outside.
For the first time ever I had a master bathroom off of the master bedroom. Actually, I had never had what would have qualified as a master bedroom before, just one of the rooms of a 2 bedroom ranch.
In the master bathroom, next to the toilet, the sparkling and newly painted radiator ran along the wall. In the winter time it gave great warmth and comfort as I would sit and read. The downside of the radiator's location was that it was simply too close to the toilet bowl. With 2 young boys, who had a penchant to spray where they wanted and the occasional two streamer of my own, the radiator was a prime target for the caustic effect of urine spray. Now, as an adult, I don’t want you to think that I would spray and leave like a male cat marking its territory. I would simply be less than honest to say that I was perfect in this process when I would stumble into the bathroom at 3 am after a robust night with friends.
What happened over time was that the radiator began to rust. If the effort had been made to simply wipe off the spray the rust would never have occurred.
The same thing happens in our lives away from the toilet. How many times have you had someone say something or do something that hurt you and you let it fester into something much bigger than the initial words or actions because they never apologized and took responsibility for their actions?
I have done this several times in my life. I have been guilty of holding on to something that someone has said that I took in a negative way and letting it grow into some rusty, emotional monster.
On the other side of the urinal I am sure that I have made the same mistake without realizing what I have said or done just like those late nights, stumbling into the bathroom.
So here is what I try to do when I get in the way of someone’s emotional spray. I listen and wait. I try not to react in anger because reacting in anger has never had a positive outcome for me. In a calm and systematic way I express my feelings without the expectation that the person is going to pick up that symbolic bottle of Clorox Cleanup and wipe away their corrosive remarks or actions.
If no response is forthcoming I pick up the bottle myself, spray and wipe away the hurt and flush it down the toilet. After I’ve done that, everything smells better and I feel relieved and ready to move forward knowing that my personal radiator won’t rust and I won’t dwell on something that will take away from my personal happiness.
