It is now officially the beginning of the high school basketball season in Maine. This may be the most popular sport in the state and playing for your high school team is an important coming of age goal for many boys and girls.
My son Sam is a 16 year old junior at Falmouth High School in Falmouth Maine. He has grown up playing basketball with his older brother and he is a huge Boston Celtic and Duke University fan. Basketball is always on TV at our house and Sam spends an enormous amount of time playing basketball on the street that we live on. I placed a cheap portable hoop by the side of the road and it is one of the best investments that I have ever made.
Our high school team has a very talented group in Sam’s class. Sam is a very good shooter but he is not blessed with speed. He has run cross country every year to get in shape for basketball and this year he has expressed concerns over making the team. It is not unusual for juniors to get cut because they are sometimes stuck in no man’s land. Not skilled enough to play varsity and not young enough to have potential to develop.
The days before tryouts were filled with discussions of maintaining focus, believing in yourself, hustle and having a positive attitude.
Sam and I spent Saturday and Sunday looking for basketball shoes. Size 11 is very popular and finding the brand and style that Sam wanted was becoming difficult. I was heading out on a business trip on Monday so we had several stores call other locations to see what they had. We found a store that had Sam’s size and style and I told him I would pick up the shoes and deliver them to tryouts. He took his old shoes in case I was late.
The next day I went to the store and bought 2 pair of shoes in different colors because I thought Sam might change his mind once he saw both. I sent him a text to make sure he knew that I had the shoes and he replied that practice was earlier and that he would use his old shoes.
That night I picked him up from practice and asked him how things went. Sam was very positive as he described the tryout and the things they had done. As we got home Sam immediately tried on the new shoes, selected the pair he originally wanted and went outside to try them out. His reaction was “The new shoes are great dad. Thank you”.
I dropped him off at school the next day and headed back out on the road. He called me after 8 pm to tell me practice was done. When I arrived at the school I switched seats so he could drive. He walked slowly to the car, opened the door and got in with a very sullen look on his face. “You might as well return both pair of shoes,” he said as his eyes seemed to mist over.
At first I thought he was joking as I said something like, “Don’t give me that crap. How did it go?
“I’m not kidding dad, I didn’t make the team. I’m going to run indoor track.”
It was one of those moments that are tough for parents to deal with. How should I react? Is this a good learning moment? Should I just say I’m sorry, I know how hard you have worked or should I get angry at the school and the coaches for cutting my son?
In short I didn’t know what to say. I sat there looking at Sam trying to figure out what I could say that might be inspirational but nothing came.
Suddenly that big beautiful smile of Sam’s came across his face and he said “I made JV. Coach told me he expects me to be one of the leaders and if I work hard I’ll be one of the three guys he calls up at the end of the season when they make the playoffs.”
I burst out laughing. Sam had played the same trick that I play on him. He totally had me fooled and it was his best acting yet!
Life doesn’t always work out as we planned but we can have a lot of fun along the way whether our plan works or not.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Michael’s Graduation
My nephew graduated this spring. He is a smart, great person and that moment made me think of him and my other nieces and nephews as well as my best friend’s family. I sent this note to all of them. We are very lucky.
Michael’s Graduation
I’ve been thinking about Michael’s graduation this week. It was very important for me personally to witness the ceremony and I spent a lot of time thinking about Michael and the type of person he has become. I love his drive, his sense of humor and his choice of friends. Of course I have forgotten their names but I do remember them. The handsome, good kid who is serving in the Navy, the bright, nice kid who is studying architecture and the down to earth, kind, local kid who serves as a volunteer fireman and is involved in the town. They all represent Michael very well.
As I was beginning to write this Steve called and I was telling him about Michael. Steve also majored in Physics at McGill and graduated with a GPA over 3.8. We talked about the 18 grandchildren of Leon and Alma Langlois and Osmond and Ann Bonsey. They all are goods kids who have stayed out of trouble and continue to make good choices in regard to the people they surround themselves with.
Think about that simple statement for a minute. 18 good, motivated and kind grandchildren from two good, motivated and kind couples.
If a physics theory like the “butterfly effect” "where small variations of the initial condition of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system” or in other words the idea that the flap of a butterflies’ wings can have in impact on weather conditions a half a world away, then what is the impact of 18 positive grandchildren on the future of this world.
I think the answer is infinite but I’ll rely on the brain power of Michael and Steve to give us a concise answer.
Energy may not be able to be created or destroyed but good people can. I think we’ve all been lucky, hardworking and kind in our approach with all these kids and they will and are already having a positive impact on the world around them. They are why I believe the “future is bright.”
Michael’s Graduation
I’ve been thinking about Michael’s graduation this week. It was very important for me personally to witness the ceremony and I spent a lot of time thinking about Michael and the type of person he has become. I love his drive, his sense of humor and his choice of friends. Of course I have forgotten their names but I do remember them. The handsome, good kid who is serving in the Navy, the bright, nice kid who is studying architecture and the down to earth, kind, local kid who serves as a volunteer fireman and is involved in the town. They all represent Michael very well.
As I was beginning to write this Steve called and I was telling him about Michael. Steve also majored in Physics at McGill and graduated with a GPA over 3.8. We talked about the 18 grandchildren of Leon and Alma Langlois and Osmond and Ann Bonsey. They all are goods kids who have stayed out of trouble and continue to make good choices in regard to the people they surround themselves with.
Think about that simple statement for a minute. 18 good, motivated and kind grandchildren from two good, motivated and kind couples.
If a physics theory like the “butterfly effect” "where small variations of the initial condition of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system” or in other words the idea that the flap of a butterflies’ wings can have in impact on weather conditions a half a world away, then what is the impact of 18 positive grandchildren on the future of this world.
I think the answer is infinite but I’ll rely on the brain power of Michael and Steve to give us a concise answer.
Energy may not be able to be created or destroyed but good people can. I think we’ve all been lucky, hardworking and kind in our approach with all these kids and they will and are already having a positive impact on the world around them. They are why I believe the “future is bright.”
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Simple Luck
I received one of those phone calls the other day that none of us want to receive. I was working on my computer at the kitchen table when I felt my cell phone vibrate. I leave it on vibrate because, like my mother, my hearing isn’t what it used to be.
The caller I.D. flashed “Mom and Dad”. They are in Florida at this time of year, so I knew that a phone call this early in the morning meant that they had either just set a record on their early morning walk/run or something was wrong.
I picked up the phone and heard mom say “Cameron, it’s your mother” I knew instantly that something was wrong. Mom had been struggling with stomach problems for months and had spent 6 hours in the emergency room a week and half before. One x-ray was inconclusive so she had a cat scan. Mom was calling me to tell me that the doctor’s office had called the night before to tell her that she had “lymphoma”.
From my minimal knowledge of lymphoma I felt that it was one of the most curable forms of cancer. I also new that, at that point, we had very little information and we would know more after mom went to the doctor’s office later that day. Knowing this I didn’t have a big reaction to the news. I simply listened to mom’s concerns that someone would need to come to Florida to be with dad while she had her operation. I let her know my sisters, Lynn and Lorna, and I would work things out and that she wouldn’t have to worry about those arraignments.
Mom’s voice cracked a little when she said goodbye and told me she was going to call Lynn and Lorna to tell them the news.
As I got off the phone I thought of a line that I have heard my dad say many times, “I am the luckiest man on the earth.” This line made sense to me because in my immediate family we have been extremely lucky in terms of dealing with family illness and tragedy.
Beyond the longevity and health I am the fortunate beneficiary of an upbringing that encouraged open communication and expression of one’s feelings. At a time when I was thinking about the potential loss of my mother I was also thinking that, because of the open communication and the longevity, my mom and I have been blessed to be in a place where we have worked out any differences we have had over the years. There are no words left unsaid and I won’t be burdened with feeling that I didn’t get a chance to express all my feelings to her.
I went to work that day and was able to focus and do the things that I needed to do. I thought of mom frequently but no morbid thoughts came to mind and my sense of calm continued.
When I left work I noticed that mom had tried to call my cell phone. I tried calling back several times over the course of the next 45 minutes. Finally, as I stood over the kitchen stove making American Chop Suey for my kids, the phone vibrated. I picked it up to hear my mother’s voice again. “Well, the news is a little better than I originally thought, “said mom in a much more enthusiastic tone. “ “I don’t have “Lymphoma” I have “Lypoma” a generally benign, fatty growth.”
In that moment, with a sense of great relief, my normally loud, boisterous and joyful laugh exploded from my body. The whole idea that mom had misheard what the doctor’s office had said, fit my sense of humor perfectly and mom and I shared a wonderful moment of laughter.
Again, I was reminded that I am also “The luckiest man on earth.”
I know that there are many things that I simply can’t control in life. That is where the “luck’ comes in. What I can control is letting those around me know what they mean to me and how important they are to me.
During this holiday weekend I am going to laugh loud and long with a sense of great thanks for the blessings in my life. I’m also going to call my mother again and let her know in a very loving and empathic tone to…..”PUT IN YOUR HEARING AID IN THE NEXT TIME THE DOCTOR CALLS!
The caller I.D. flashed “Mom and Dad”. They are in Florida at this time of year, so I knew that a phone call this early in the morning meant that they had either just set a record on their early morning walk/run or something was wrong.
I picked up the phone and heard mom say “Cameron, it’s your mother” I knew instantly that something was wrong. Mom had been struggling with stomach problems for months and had spent 6 hours in the emergency room a week and half before. One x-ray was inconclusive so she had a cat scan. Mom was calling me to tell me that the doctor’s office had called the night before to tell her that she had “lymphoma”.
From my minimal knowledge of lymphoma I felt that it was one of the most curable forms of cancer. I also new that, at that point, we had very little information and we would know more after mom went to the doctor’s office later that day. Knowing this I didn’t have a big reaction to the news. I simply listened to mom’s concerns that someone would need to come to Florida to be with dad while she had her operation. I let her know my sisters, Lynn and Lorna, and I would work things out and that she wouldn’t have to worry about those arraignments.
Mom’s voice cracked a little when she said goodbye and told me she was going to call Lynn and Lorna to tell them the news.
As I got off the phone I thought of a line that I have heard my dad say many times, “I am the luckiest man on the earth.” This line made sense to me because in my immediate family we have been extremely lucky in terms of dealing with family illness and tragedy.
Beyond the longevity and health I am the fortunate beneficiary of an upbringing that encouraged open communication and expression of one’s feelings. At a time when I was thinking about the potential loss of my mother I was also thinking that, because of the open communication and the longevity, my mom and I have been blessed to be in a place where we have worked out any differences we have had over the years. There are no words left unsaid and I won’t be burdened with feeling that I didn’t get a chance to express all my feelings to her.
I went to work that day and was able to focus and do the things that I needed to do. I thought of mom frequently but no morbid thoughts came to mind and my sense of calm continued.
When I left work I noticed that mom had tried to call my cell phone. I tried calling back several times over the course of the next 45 minutes. Finally, as I stood over the kitchen stove making American Chop Suey for my kids, the phone vibrated. I picked it up to hear my mother’s voice again. “Well, the news is a little better than I originally thought, “said mom in a much more enthusiastic tone. “ “I don’t have “Lymphoma” I have “Lypoma” a generally benign, fatty growth.”
In that moment, with a sense of great relief, my normally loud, boisterous and joyful laugh exploded from my body. The whole idea that mom had misheard what the doctor’s office had said, fit my sense of humor perfectly and mom and I shared a wonderful moment of laughter.
Again, I was reminded that I am also “The luckiest man on earth.”
I know that there are many things that I simply can’t control in life. That is where the “luck’ comes in. What I can control is letting those around me know what they mean to me and how important they are to me.
During this holiday weekend I am going to laugh loud and long with a sense of great thanks for the blessings in my life. I’m also going to call my mother again and let her know in a very loving and empathic tone to…..”PUT IN YOUR HEARING AID IN THE NEXT TIME THE DOCTOR CALLS!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Simple Support
As I meet people for the first time and begin the process of getting to know them the subject of marriage and kids will usually come up. When I tell them that I have 3 kids, that two of them are in high school, that I am divorced and the two in high school live with me full time the reaction is usually one of “that must me tough, teenagers are so hard to live with.”
Actually, they are wonderful to live with. I’m not exactly sure why my kids are great to be around. I’m not saying that they are perfect. Like me, they have their frailties that rise to the surface on an almost daily basis. Maybe it is simply because I understand that they are like me in many ways and I respect that they are not like me in many ways.
You see, I’ve always felt that I learn more from my kids than they learn from me. Because of this I listen more than I talk and I always try to make sure that my advice is given from their perspective and not mine.
This seems to have built a powerful trust between us that allows for communication that leads to an understanding of each other.
Over the course of the last two years my 17 year old daughter, Kourtney, has had to deal with her Mom moving to another state, moving out of a beautiful big house in an upscale neighbor to a small apartment and moving again to share a house with others.
During each transition there has been angst and pain as well as a unique bonding that usually only occurs when people meet tough obstacles together and work through them as a team.
Kourtney is enjoying her senior and has applied to several colleges. She wrote several essays and stressed out about whether they were good enough. I simply advised her to write about something that she was passionate about.
Sometimes I have to travel and one night when I was on the road I called home and Kourtney said, “Dad, I wrote an essay about you and you’re going to cry when you read it.” She knows me well. I cry and laugh a lot on a daily basis.
I ask her for it a few times when I returned home, but like me, she’s a little discombobulated and things have a tendency to get lost. The other day when I was picking up the pile of junk around the computer I found three pieces of paper with her handwriting on them. As I picked them up to see if I should throw them out I realized that this was the rough draft of the essay that she had written. I sat at the kitchen table and read. Kourtney was right…I cried.
The essay is incredibly complimentary of me. Because it is meant to be inspirational it doesn’t mention any of my many weaknesses. What it does show is what an incredible person Kourtney is and how I wouldn’t be the person she thinks I am if I didn’t have her for a daughter.
I have copied her essay below and I invite you to read it and enjoy it. Cry if you want to and celebrate the future. Kourt is just one of many terrific kids that I know and come in contact with every day. Because of her and her friends I believe the future is bright.
Kourt’s College Essay (Rough Draft)
“You’re strong kid, you’re strong!” I hear my father yell from the side of the trail at one of my many high school cross country meets. Earlier I had thought he wasn’t going to make it, but he managed to get to the meet just in time; just in time for him to shout a few inspirational words at me as I pump my arms and focus my breathing through the 3.1 mile course. After I’ve finished my race, caught my breath and congratulated my teammates I walk over to where my dad stands, grasping a cold water bottle he purchased for me on his way to my meet. He knows not to come right over to me after a race, or maybe it’s that he is afraid to because he’s not sure whether I’m happy with my race or not. He waits as I approach him, beads of sweat sliding slowly down my face. “Great race, kid.” I can always count on my dad for a compliment, even if I had a terrible race.
My parents divorced when I was sixteen. My mom moved from our house in Falmouth, Maine to an apartment in Arlington, Virginia. Since then it’s been my dad taking over both parental roles. As a female adolescent, it’s tough not having a mom around when I go through those “teenage moments”. My dad has been the one to go out and buy tampons and shop for prom shoes with me at 9pm the night before prom. Having my mom leave has made my relationship with my dad stronger. I know we have a different relationship than most fathers and daughters. I see movies and TV shows where girls despise their father and all they can do is fight with him. I can never understand that. I mostly want to reach through the television screen and slap them for not appreciating how important their father is to them.
I’ve watched my father raise three children as single parent for two years now. His strength is an inspiration to me. I know that it is difficult to deal with a teenage daughter, my dad just does it and he never complains. He finds the time to make it to my cross country and track meets and to just sit and talk with me. I look at my father and see strength, generosity and kindness. He’s taught me the greatest lessons I will ever learn in life.
Actually, they are wonderful to live with. I’m not exactly sure why my kids are great to be around. I’m not saying that they are perfect. Like me, they have their frailties that rise to the surface on an almost daily basis. Maybe it is simply because I understand that they are like me in many ways and I respect that they are not like me in many ways.
You see, I’ve always felt that I learn more from my kids than they learn from me. Because of this I listen more than I talk and I always try to make sure that my advice is given from their perspective and not mine.
This seems to have built a powerful trust between us that allows for communication that leads to an understanding of each other.
Over the course of the last two years my 17 year old daughter, Kourtney, has had to deal with her Mom moving to another state, moving out of a beautiful big house in an upscale neighbor to a small apartment and moving again to share a house with others.
During each transition there has been angst and pain as well as a unique bonding that usually only occurs when people meet tough obstacles together and work through them as a team.
Kourtney is enjoying her senior and has applied to several colleges. She wrote several essays and stressed out about whether they were good enough. I simply advised her to write about something that she was passionate about.
Sometimes I have to travel and one night when I was on the road I called home and Kourtney said, “Dad, I wrote an essay about you and you’re going to cry when you read it.” She knows me well. I cry and laugh a lot on a daily basis.
I ask her for it a few times when I returned home, but like me, she’s a little discombobulated and things have a tendency to get lost. The other day when I was picking up the pile of junk around the computer I found three pieces of paper with her handwriting on them. As I picked them up to see if I should throw them out I realized that this was the rough draft of the essay that she had written. I sat at the kitchen table and read. Kourtney was right…I cried.
The essay is incredibly complimentary of me. Because it is meant to be inspirational it doesn’t mention any of my many weaknesses. What it does show is what an incredible person Kourtney is and how I wouldn’t be the person she thinks I am if I didn’t have her for a daughter.
I have copied her essay below and I invite you to read it and enjoy it. Cry if you want to and celebrate the future. Kourt is just one of many terrific kids that I know and come in contact with every day. Because of her and her friends I believe the future is bright.
Kourt’s College Essay (Rough Draft)
“You’re strong kid, you’re strong!” I hear my father yell from the side of the trail at one of my many high school cross country meets. Earlier I had thought he wasn’t going to make it, but he managed to get to the meet just in time; just in time for him to shout a few inspirational words at me as I pump my arms and focus my breathing through the 3.1 mile course. After I’ve finished my race, caught my breath and congratulated my teammates I walk over to where my dad stands, grasping a cold water bottle he purchased for me on his way to my meet. He knows not to come right over to me after a race, or maybe it’s that he is afraid to because he’s not sure whether I’m happy with my race or not. He waits as I approach him, beads of sweat sliding slowly down my face. “Great race, kid.” I can always count on my dad for a compliment, even if I had a terrible race.
My parents divorced when I was sixteen. My mom moved from our house in Falmouth, Maine to an apartment in Arlington, Virginia. Since then it’s been my dad taking over both parental roles. As a female adolescent, it’s tough not having a mom around when I go through those “teenage moments”. My dad has been the one to go out and buy tampons and shop for prom shoes with me at 9pm the night before prom. Having my mom leave has made my relationship with my dad stronger. I know we have a different relationship than most fathers and daughters. I see movies and TV shows where girls despise their father and all they can do is fight with him. I can never understand that. I mostly want to reach through the television screen and slap them for not appreciating how important their father is to them.
I’ve watched my father raise three children as single parent for two years now. His strength is an inspiration to me. I know that it is difficult to deal with a teenage daughter, my dad just does it and he never complains. He finds the time to make it to my cross country and track meets and to just sit and talk with me. I look at my father and see strength, generosity and kindness. He’s taught me the greatest lessons I will ever learn in life.
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