My Hero, Ryan

Last weekend I got involved in a Facebook exchange. My girlfriend, Wendy, posted the following:

“July 4th we celebrate the signing of the "Declaration of Independence" Officially forming the 13 colonies, in America, free from the Kingdom of Great Britain. A war took place in this process, The American Revolutionary War. Freedom has ALWAY's come with a price. I stand proud to live in this free nation. I will honor ...& support those who have & continue to fight & defend our countries freedom! Do you?”

This elicited immediate responses as one friend wrote about her son being deployed to Iraq and friendly posts with thanks and positive thoughts for her and her son abounded.

I was struck by one friend who posted “You are the Patriot. Most parents do everything in their power to keep military age children at home.”

I know this person was trying to be nice but the idea that someone would take a group of people, in this case parents, and make a negative assumption about them is troubling to me. Assumptions like this happen all the time and I think it goes to the core of a collective communication discourse in our country that separates all of us.

My nephew, Ryan, also landed in Iraq this week. He has wanted to be a soldier ever since he was a little boy. He tried college for a semester and then decided that the Army Reserve would be a good fit for him and would help him offset his future college expenses.

I know that the way he was pushed in basic training taught him that he could reach deeper than he ever imagined and the forced discipline of the daily process was also a wonderful benefit.

Ryan is the only one of my parent’s seven grandchildren who is currently serving in the military. The other six are either attending college or about to attend college.

I never talked about military service with my oldest son or my daughter. They were so completely focused on college that it wouldn’t have been the best option for them.

My youngest son Sam, who happens to be extremely close to Ryan, could use many of the skills that the military could teach him. I’ve talked about the military several times with him and he has chosen to attend college this year.

I believe that most parents go through this type of process.

As Ryan sits in Iraq and serves his country I am proud of him and scared for him. I don’t think that he considers himself a hero.

The most heroic thing that I have had the honor of seeing Ryan do occurred during his dad’s funeral in June of 2009. While his sister Hilary began to speak about their dad she started to cry. Ryan waited for a moment to let her collect herself and then when she couldn’t, he gracefully approached the podium, put his arm around Hilary and read her words with strength and eloquence.

I am sure that Ryan’s army training came into play in that moment. If he is confronted with a situation that requires grace under pressure in Iraq I know he will respond heroically.

I also know that my friends, family and acquaintances, who are parents, would never do whatever they could to keep their children out of the military. They would simply help their children make the choice that is right for them.

I hope we remember that the majority of the people who live in the United States love this country and when we assume something negative about a particular group it divides us and weakens the country that Ryan is fighting for.

Emergency Ward

Last Sunday morning I received an email from my dad with the title “Emergency Ward” the cryptic note that followed said “Spent last evening at the Blue Hill Hospital. You will have to call your mother to get the details. Dad”

To give you a little background, this past year has been tough on my mom and dad who have been married for almost 58 years. Mom has been battling memory loss and several health issues and my dad battles diabetes, and is still recovering from having is aortic valve replaced in October.

The number of trips to the emergency room has increased at an astronomical rate and my dad’s emails have become more stilted.

As soon as I received the email I called my mom. I was expecting a stressed out response on the other end but my mom answered with a giddy tone to her voice.

“What’s up with dad?” I asked.

“Well”, she giggled.” Your father and I had sex yesterday afternoon and as soon as we were done he had to get up and take a shower.”

Of course I started laughing and I apologize if this is too much information for the reader.

“When he came out of the shower he couldn’t remember anything that had happened all day, except for the sex. I asked him several questions and he couldn’t answer them. I thought he was having a stroke, so I insisted we go to the hospital.”

By the time they got to the hospital they were laughing and when they explained their situation to the hospital staff they were informed that it is rare, but memory loss after sex or intense exercise is something referred to as “transient global amnesia”. Dad’s doctor thinks the episode is related to his diabetes and low blood sugar.

Whatever the reason, it is a testament to my parents and their marriage. Their health is waning, life is more difficult and they are still able to connect in a beautiful, emotional and physical way.

And as I told my mom on the phone, “It’s pretty impressive that after 58 years of marriage you are so good in bed that you can still make dad lose his mind.”