As I meet people for the first time and begin the process of getting to know them the subject of marriage and kids will usually come up. When I tell them that I have 3 kids, that two of them are in high school, that I am divorced and the two in high school live with me full time the reaction is usually one of “that must me tough, teenagers are so hard to live with.”
Actually, they are wonderful to live with. I’m not exactly sure why my kids are great to be around. I’m not saying that they are perfect. Like me, they have their frailties that rise to the surface on an almost daily basis. Maybe it is simply because I understand that they are like me in many ways and I respect that they are not like me in many ways.
You see, I’ve always felt that I learn more from my kids than they learn from me. Because of this I listen more than I talk and I always try to make sure that my advice is given from their perspective and not mine.
This seems to have built a powerful trust between us that allows for communication that leads to an understanding of each other.
Over the course of the last two years my 17 year old daughter, Kourtney, has had to deal with her Mom moving to another state, moving out of a beautiful big house in an upscale neighbor to a small apartment and moving again to share a house with others.
During each transition there has been angst and pain as well as a unique bonding that usually only occurs when people meet tough obstacles together and work through them as a team.
Kourtney is enjoying her senior and has applied to several colleges. She wrote several essays and stressed out about whether they were good enough. I simply advised her to write about something that she was passionate about.
Sometimes I have to travel and one night when I was on the road I called home and Kourtney said, “Dad, I wrote an essay about you and you’re going to cry when you read it.” She knows me well. I cry and laugh a lot on a daily basis.
I ask her for it a few times when I returned home, but like me, she’s a little discombobulated and things have a tendency to get lost. The other day when I was picking up the pile of junk around the computer I found three pieces of paper with her handwriting on them. As I picked them up to see if I should throw them out I realized that this was the rough draft of the essay that she had written. I sat at the kitchen table and read. Kourtney was right…I cried.
The essay is incredibly complimentary of me. Because it is meant to be inspirational it doesn’t mention any of my many weaknesses. What it does show is what an incredible person Kourtney is and how I wouldn’t be the person she thinks I am if I didn’t have her for a daughter.
I have copied her essay below and I invite you to read it and enjoy it. Cry if you want to and celebrate the future. Kourt is just one of many terrific kids that I know and come in contact with every day. Because of her and her friends I believe the future is bright.
Kourt’s College Essay (Rough Draft)
“You’re strong kid, you’re strong!” I hear my father yell from the side of the trail at one of my many high school cross country meets. Earlier I had thought he wasn’t going to make it, but he managed to get to the meet just in time; just in time for him to shout a few inspirational words at me as I pump my arms and focus my breathing through the 3.1 mile course. After I’ve finished my race, caught my breath and congratulated my teammates I walk over to where my dad stands, grasping a cold water bottle he purchased for me on his way to my meet. He knows not to come right over to me after a race, or maybe it’s that he is afraid to because he’s not sure whether I’m happy with my race or not. He waits as I approach him, beads of sweat sliding slowly down my face. “Great race, kid.” I can always count on my dad for a compliment, even if I had a terrible race.
My parents divorced when I was sixteen. My mom moved from our house in Falmouth, Maine to an apartment in Arlington, Virginia. Since then it’s been my dad taking over both parental roles. As a female adolescent, it’s tough not having a mom around when I go through those “teenage moments”. My dad has been the one to go out and buy tampons and shop for prom shoes with me at 9pm the night before prom. Having my mom leave has made my relationship with my dad stronger. I know we have a different relationship than most fathers and daughters. I see movies and TV shows where girls despise their father and all they can do is fight with him. I can never understand that. I mostly want to reach through the television screen and slap them for not appreciating how important their father is to them.
I’ve watched my father raise three children as single parent for two years now. His strength is an inspiration to me. I know that it is difficult to deal with a teenage daughter, my dad just does it and he never complains. He finds the time to make it to my cross country and track meets and to just sit and talk with me. I look at my father and see strength, generosity and kindness. He’s taught me the greatest lessons I will ever learn in life.
