He Doesn't Miss Us When We're Gone....

My dad always says he doesn’t miss my brothers and me when we’re gone. I used to not understand it. He has always said "I know the three of you are doing what you love when you're away from home. It doesn't make me sad when you’re not around, it makes me excited." And for a while, every time he said it, I would get it, but not completely. Slowly, however, over time, I've come to recognize exactly how my dad feels. 

Now I know that my dad feels a slight tinge of sadness when, at the end of the summer, he comes home to an empty 196 Sea Road and knows that the three of us won't be walking through our screen door any time soon. I know that when he saunters into his kitchen with its quaint white cabinets and rugged hardwood floors and opens up the refrigerator to grab a can of PBR, he is a little sad that one of us isn’t there to sit at the kitchen table and enjoy it with him. But I do believe that he doesn't miss us. And what I mean by that is I do believe that he is happy for us. And most importantly, I do believe that he is happy, despite our absence. Because the thing about us, about our family, is that we are connected even when we are away from each other. 

I know that when I am at practice and I get excited about one of my athlete's workouts, my family is right there with me, feeling the same excitement. I know that whenever I feel by my lonesome and I'm sitting in my empty dorm room, I think of our summers in Kennebunk and I start to feel a little less lonely. I do not feel sadness. There is a significant energy about our family that runs through us, even when we're miles apart. We’re kind of like a wave pool. Or maybe more like an ocean current. We are waves of energy, circling about.

My dad knows that when we are away from home, all three of us are out living our own dreams. I have had several phone exchanges with him since I've been back at school and every single one of them is immensely positive. They all begin with dad answering the phone with a jubilant "hey!" and end with dad saying "you're fucking killing it! We are all fucking killing it!" I can't help but fill up with energy after those phone calls. And I know dad is filled up with that same energy; absolutely, completely filled to the brim. 

So even though I really do miss my dad and my brothers when I'm back at school, I feel so happy about the energy they are creating on their own, away from me. At my own pace, I have come around to dad’s selfless philosophies. And every day, I realize more and more how much of a stable, positive, and strong person he truly is. And this realization keeps me filled up to the brim with that same energy. I simply feel happy. And I know the whole gang feels it too.